Everything can change and never go back to where it was.

We’re just coming through the other end of one of those experiences.

It began with Lobo’s (my husband) annual check up with his doc.

Everything looked good except some microscopic blood in his urine.

Because of his family history, his dad had bladder cancer, his doc decided to send him to a Specialist.

You know the insurance routine, the “Mother May I Game” we play.

Our doctor referred us to see a specialist and he sent in a request to get permission from the insurance company.

And we waited.

Finally the authorization came and then we called for an appointment and we waited some more.

Eventually the appointment day arrived.

We consulted with the Urologist.

He thought because of family history a Cystoscopy should be done.

Another wait for insurance authorization.

It arrived within a week, they scheduled the procedure and we waited some more.

The morning of the Cysto, we waited some more, first in the doctor’s office waiting room and then in the treatment room.

The nurse numbed him with Lidocaine but he waited so long for the doctor that he thinks some of the numbness wore off.

And it hurt.

He said it hurt real bad and I’m sure it did.

A few minutes after it was over, we were taken into the doctor’s office and seated in front of his big desk.

Something didn’t feel right to me.

I was scared.

When the doc came in, I knew from the look on his face it wasn’t good.

He found 2 growths on his bladder that he was sure were cancer.

Next step was another good look under anesthesia at the Hospital.

I told the doc I couldn’t wait for Insurance authorization.

He has cancer for Krist sake, they’re gonna deny him the procedure?

So we went ahead and scheduled for 6 days later.

Six long, long, sleepless nights and scary days.

Finally the day arrived.

I stayed with him until he was wheeled into the procedure room.

When it was over, the physician found me in the waiting room and when our eyes made contact, I knew it wasn’t OK.

He sat next to me and explained they’d found a rather large tumor on the top of his bladder on his muscle wall.

He removed the 2 small ones and the large one and they were sent to Pathology for Biopsy.

He explained that one of 2 things were gonna happen.

If the large tumor had penetrated the muscle wall, his bladder would have to be removed and he would have a life expectancy of approximately 5 more years.

If it hadn’t penetrated then they would go into his bladder once a week for 6 weeks and do a medical wash with an Immuno drug hoping to find any other spots hiding and kill them.

We were told to come back in 5 days for the results.

More waiting.

These past 5 days have been HELL.

We’ve never gone through anything like this.

Anyone who has, knows what a horrid experience it is.

We told our girls and a few very close friends and no one else.

I couldn’t repeat it too many times, it was such painful words.

We’re told to THINK POSITIVE.

For the most part, we’re real positive people but I can tell you it’s the hardest trick ever to think positive with that kind of thing hanging over your head.

I had to fight my mind every second of my waking days.

I refused to cry. I knew if I began, I’d never stop.

We did everything we could think of to keep our minds busy and pass the time.

We took walks, we watched movies, we even worked a jigsaw puzzle, something we’ve never done in our 30+ years together.

We tried to hold up a good front but we each knew what the other was thinking.

So many thoughts run through the mind, so many memories, wondering if this was the end.

We couldn’t eat, barely slept and pretty much walked around in a daze.

And last night I wondered if that would be my last time ever of not thinking how numbered his days were.

Our appointment was early morning.

Half an hour before we left, Lobo received an E-mail to check his medical portal on his computer.

There it was, his biopsy results.

Low grade, non-invasive cancer.

It hadn’t gone into his muscle.

WE MADE IT!!!!!

I let myself cry, and cry and then cry a little more.

Within an hour we were in the doctor’s office and he was explaining the procedure that will follow to help insure it’s all really gone.

Whatever it is…..bring it on…..we can do this.

And for a little while longer, our sun will shine.