This one happened a looong time ago.
Way back in first-husbandville.
Way back before AWKWARD became a sentence in one word.

I don’t remember why but I was in the hospital.
I was scheduled for some sort of minor surgical procedure late morning (maybe a brain transplant, I can’t remember.)
What I DID remember, all of a sudden was that I’d forgotten my morning thyroid pill.
The pre-hospital instructions had said I should bring my own medication from home and crap, I forgot (so, yes indeed…it WAS a brain transplant!)
I mentioned to husband number one that I’d forgotten my pills.
We didn’t live far from the hospital and he was one of those men that really were uncomfortable in that environment so…he offered to zip home and get my pills.
Great idea.

The timing was almost perfect.
I’d been prepped for surgery with one of those silly looking shower-cap things on my head, and all make-up washed off.
I was wheeled out into the hallway and then kinda parked in a line with two or three other gurneys.
From down the hall I saw my husband racing toward me, but he stopped a couple gurneys too soon.
In a flash, he leaned over, kissed her and said, “I brought your thyroid pills.”
And then I heard…..
“I don’t take thyroid pills!”

Ewwwww, wrong gurney.
AWKWARD!!!!!
………………..

This one happened many years ago in a very small town in Idaho called Blackfoot.

Chain letters were a thing of the time and I got one…..a horrible one.
I was young and it scared me.
It warned me that if I didn’t send ten copies RIGHT AWAY, I was gonna die!
Now, did I believe that stuff?
Well no…..but I was young (and naive, maybe) and well, I didn’t wanna chance it.

I never mentioned it to anyone but I sent the copies out, all to people who lived in Blackfoot.
What a great thing to do…..pass on a death threat to ten people.
What was I thinking?
I can tell you.
I was thinking how young I was and didn’t want to die just then.

There was only one small Catholic Church in town and the priest was a crabby old man.

Here’s a clue…..I drove 25 miles to the next town to get a priests permission to take birth control pills ‘cause I knew the old crabby guy would never allow it.

It was a Sunday morning.
I was in church and the old guy stepped up to the pulpit.
He had a piece of paper in his hand and he began waving it red-faced and angry.
Yep, somehow he’d gotten his hands on the death chain letter and was he pissed!
I don’t know if someone showed it to him or sent him one but for the next 20 minutes he ranted on about the sin in such things.

Great, now I was gonna have to go back the 25 miles to confession!
Not only did I take birth control pills but I also sent a chain letter for crap sake!
My penance was gonna be a heck of a lot more than three Hail Mary’s!
But, no way could I have confessed to the old guy that I’d sent ten of those things.
I’m fairly sure he’d have bounded out of that little box he sat in and yanked me out of the one I was kneeling in and well I had no idea what would have happened to me.

I sat in the pew and listened intently, trying to put a surprised look on my face like everyone around me but wondering if my pounding heart could be heard.

It wasn’t me who sent it to him anyways but my guess was somebody besides me was sitting there that Sunday morning shaking in their boots.

I see them on facebook from time to time and those horrid threats still make me a bit nervous but now I just hurry and push the DELETE button.
But that day, that Sunday morning in that little church well…..

SCARY and
AWKWARD!!!
………………..

It was during an unusually busy time in my life.
I was holding down a full-time job with a 2-hour commute round trip.
I was caring for my mom in a SNF and trying to make her happy by attending to her every whim.
Oh and then I was a housewife too….you know, groceries, dinner, laundry, house-cleaning…..her.

It had been a ridiculously busy day at work….the kind where you wanna rip that cubicle wall down, jump up on your desk and just let it roll….I QUIT!

I was late getting out and by the time I got back to my area of town, the stores were getting ready to close.
That had not been in my plan for the day…
After work I was gonna stop at one of the little clothing boutiques that always had something I liked and quickly pick up a blazer.

I had a court appearance the next morning in San Francisco and I figured I could get away with a pair of jeans if I wore a decent looking blazer.

By the time I reached the shop, I was frazzled from traffic and just plain tired.

My make-up had all worn off earlier in the day and well….I’ve always been a once-a-day applier, that’s it.
I don’t carry make-up around and I don’t re-apply lipstick after eating.
NOT that there’s anything wrong with that.
Just something I’ve never done.

I rushed into the shop which was getting ready to close.
I knew exactly what I wanted.
A blazer, any color, I didn’t care, just so it fit that’s all.
I saw it, grabbed it, tried it on, liked it and hurried to the counter.

Madame “I freshen up my make-up every fifteen minutes” (NOT that there’s anything wrong with that) was waiting at the register staring my way and obviously irritated and, I understood.
Her day was about over, she wanted to go home and in comes this frantic, kinda disheveled looking woman…wearing no make-up and 8-hour tired-looking hair.

I layed the blazer on the counter, and began to dig for my checkbook.
Yes, I still wrote checks!

She wasn’t gonna do the “did you find everything OK” thing.
I could hear her thinking, “what the hell? Why 5 minutes before closing?”.
I thought about telling her my dilemma but…..like she cared?

The blazer was rung up.
I was given the charges and I handed over my check.

Stone-faced, she asked for identification.
I pulled out my drivers license and…..that’s when it happened.

She looked slowly at my driver’s license, then at me…..back at my license and then kinda held it closer to my face, studying intently and then…..
“well, it’s hard to be sure, but I think I recognize your chin!!!!!”
That’s what she said to me!

Things are pretty bad when your drivers license photo looks better than the in-person you.

And THAT my friends is the very last time I’ve gone shopping without first fixing my hair and making sure my make-up was on because THAT was

embarrassingly
AWKWARD!