As far as I know, there are no perfect lives, no perfect families.

I guess there are people who like to THINK they’re perfect and therein lies their imperfection.

And there are people who like others to THINK they have a perfect life and, why? 

I don’t know.

But so far,  well I think PERFECT is a sweet fairy tale.

Or maybe if we’re ALL imperfect, that makes us perfect?

I don’t know.

All I know is there’s no real perfect.

I grew up in a very imperfect family.

VERY!

I paid attention.

I knew that when I grew up, I was gonna have the perfect life and the perfect family because I was gonna be the perfect mom.

I had lessons to learn.

Many!

Recently I shared two Blogs about two of my daughters.

I won’t even try to tell you they’re perfect but…..darn close.

Not sure I could ask for much more in daughters.

But there are three daughters I haven’t told you about.

They’re the three that taught me there’s no perfect family.

Above all else, these three have taught me about ACCEPTANCE.

I had to learn to accept that nowhere on any wall of my home would I ever have family photos hanging, or would my entire family ever come together and celebrate birthdays, holidays, happy and sad times.

It wasn’t gonna happen.

No picnics, no family trips. 

No Tahoe week-ends just me and my five girls. 

Nope. 

Not ever.

I wasn’t ever gonna look up from my desk and see 5 frames with 5 beautiful smiling daughters. 

But there are two and they make me smile each time I look at them.

My phone won’t ever ring with their voices on the other end saying “Hi Mom.”

But the two that DO call, call often…..many times just to say “Hi Mom” and “I love you.” 

I won’t ever see them, feel them, hug or kiss them.

But when Covid is gone, the two that do care, will again stop by often for visits and to fill me up with the hugs and kisses that I’ve been sadly missing.

I won’t ever hear them say, “I love you” and they won’t be near or care when my last breath leaves my body, but the two that do will be at my side.

We did have it all once, but only for a very short time.

How does this kind of thing happen?

How did I go from giving birth to four little girls and adopting one, all five whom I loved deep, giving them everything I had to give, trying my hardest to teach them how to avoid all the pitfalls and end up losing three of them?

I remind myself that I’ve been living with one of the nicest men on this planet for the last 30+ years.

He’s been witness to it all.

If I said or did something considered wrong, he would have told me.

I’ve always counted on him for that.

When I’ve cried to him and asked, WHY?

All he’s ever been able to offer as an explanation is they just didn’t grow up to be very nice women.

What I learned is, sometimes things get broken beyond repair..

The glue used so many times just doesn’t hold any longer.

I’ve known way too many women and read way too many sad accounts of the way some adult children have treated their moms. 

I’m aware that the opposite is also sometimes true.

But before thinking about placing blame, I’m telling you there are kind, decent, loving mom’s who just sadly have for one reason or another nasty, even hateful adult-kids.  

That may seem a bit harsh if you’re lucky enough NOT to know what I’m talking about but if you do, sadly you know I’m telling the truth.

Life isn’t fair, it just isn’t.

Think of all the things in your life that would be different if it were.

Think of all the crap that wouldn’t happen if life were just fair.

This wasn’t written for your pity.

I’m not a martyr and  I’m a long-time over it. 

So I guess all I want you to know my friends is that when you read my stories, if it sounds like my life has been charmed and perfect….it hasn’t.

Perfect is way far from the truth.

Honest.

My life has been full of ups and downs, ins and outs, laughter and tears just like everyone elses.

And, I’ve had my share of slugs right in the face, believe me.

But all through my not-so-perfect life, my half-full cup continues to flow up and over the top with happiness and love.

So if time to time life gets you down and you look around and see someone with a perfect life, and it makes you wonder why you can’t have that, please remember…..it’s very probably NOT perfect.

My girlfriend likes to remind me that no one gets it all.

All I want to know is WHY NOT?