He retired 3 1/2 years ago and we’ve spent practically every moment of that 3 1/2 years together and…..it’s been awesome.

However, what we found in the beginning of retirement was that it’s a process and takes a little time…..true!
We had to kinda ease into it.
I mean, the sleepin’-in, no alarm, pj’s til noon, no deadlines and commitments part, that’s the given easy stuff and probably the way most people view retirement.
And it IS like that, but there’s also an adjustment that needs to happen.

We didn’t just wake up one morning and be retired.
Well, our bodies did…..but our brains were confused.

The alarm clock didn’t ring that first morning but that didn’t matter.
We were both wide-eyed awake at our usual time.
Who knew that all those years we didn’t need that miserable thing loudly ringing us back into reality every morning?
Not us!
Strange though how different retirement-waking-up feels.
When we were still working and that clock began it’s morning noise, sometimes I just wanted to grab that sucker and throw it against a wall, pull the covers over my head and go back to sleep.
Now?
Boom, outta bed no grumpin’, ready for another day.

Our two coffee pots (flavored and unflavored beans) sit side by side on the kitchen counter with freshly brewed morning coffee waiting for us.

Sipping coffee is a post-employment, retirement learned behavior.
No more gulping while zipping through the house on the run.
We now SIT & SIP and don’t ZIP!

Sometimes we read or sometimes sit at a window and watch what nature’s up to while we enjoy another cup.
Our mornings sometimes drift into afternoon. and that’s OK , ‘cause….. we’re retired!

Week-days now handle what used to be crammed into our week-ends.
The shopping, appointments, maintenance stuff, all that.

But, having time and not having to hurry can be stressful (for one of us.)
We don’t have to run in, grab and run out.
We can stroll every aisle now, if we want to.
Heck…..we can stroll them TWICE, if we want!

Slowing down, another skill (for one of us), also takes practice to master.
Lobo’s been doing SLOW his entire life!
He doesn’t understand GO FAST or HURRY…..he doesn’t know how to do that, only knows SLOW but he’s way ahead of me on that one.

Then WHAM!

Just when we’re kinda into a flow and it’s all rollin’, and we’re figurin’ it out, here comes a “curve ball”.

One-of-us decides he’d like to work somewhere that’s fun and part time.

Work…..fun…..part-time?

WHY?

Well, retirement is real nice but one-of-us felt like maybe he needed a little more of something.

A little more of something?
or
a little less of someone?
And the paranoia kicked in.
Is my sweet man being suffocated?
By me?

And so, he was forced to raise his right hand and place his left hand on my latest gossip magazine and swear it wasn’t a case of too much togetherness.
He just felt restless and wanted to be more active.

OK, I bought it.

We began discussing the idea, pros & cons of volunteering v/s committed employment.
One-of-us said she’d rather volunteeer but the other felt if he was gonna work, he was gonna get paid!

Time went by and I began to think he just enjoyed talking about it, which was fine with me.

Then, one warm, sunny afternoon we stopped to investigate a new, recently opened garden nursery.
There was a HELP WANTED sign on the front window.
I slyly grabbed an application on our way out the door.
And really, it was just for teasin’.

Later in the week I placed the application on top of his desk where he’d see it.

When he saw it, he laughed and then said that just maybe he’d fill that thing out and submit it.
We made a couple jokes about it and I thought that was it, but…..it wasn’t

He did it…..filled it out then returned to the nursery and handed it to a manager.
He did that!
He REALLY did!

And what happened?
They called him, interviewed him and HIRED HIM!
That’s what happened!

He left us!
Put on his GREEN ACRES shirt with 2 bandaids, a roll of Mentos and glasses in his pocket and drove away.
Never waved.
Never honked…..didn’t even look back.
I’ll bet he even stopped and got a bagel and coffee!

And now here we are, me ’n my two furkids.

The first day home alone was fine.
I was busy with grocery shopping a few little house things and thinking about dinner.
Before I realized the time, in walked “OLIVER” with a great big GREEN ACRES smile.

My retired partner liked his new job!

He didn’t quit!

Crap!

It’s now a few weeks down the road and it’s just what one-of-us needed.

My high-school football-hero boyfriend, my used-to-be upper management husband, now gets a kick outta punching the register at a nursery and social chit-chatting with customers.

OK, I’m good with that but I felt like I needed to remind him that he was entering a new work force, one where you do NOT touch a customer or worse, another employee!
Never!
He must avoid it at all costs, like a plague!
If someone passes out….yell loud but DO NOT TOUCH them!
Because…..
The “Me Toos” have finally surfaced and they’re REAL MAD.

The human touch, communication thing?…..GONE!

Again, left hand on my gossip magazine and right one raised, he swore he’d never EVER touch another human while working.
Touch the trees and plants and flowers, touch the register keys, touch the credit and debit cards but do NOT touch a person.
No one!

Oh, and did I mention that he’s studying flowers, plants and trees now?
Yep!
He is!

So now, what for me?

OK, I’ll admit, there’s lots of things I never get around to doing because he’s been home.
But with him gone, I’m left with a big, huge open space during the day.

So, what do I do?

Well…..
I’ve emptied and rearranged everything in the fridge….twice!

I’ve changed the cupboard contents around and scrubbed the grout on the counter with a toothbrush.

I thought about washing the windows but it’s still raining.

Cleaned out the fireplace for which one of my daughters said I was nuts, “Mom, nobody cleans the brick on the inside walls of their fireplace.” (But they were filthy black and now they’re clean yellow bricks!)

I’ve learned how to work the TV with that miserable clicker-thing and I found Pandora and I HEART radio on my own, no help.

I’ve read the entire instruction book that came with the jewelry cleaning machine that I borrowed from my daughter MONTHS ago and never used.

Emptied the hall closet of a box full of gadgets that I forgot we even had.
Put new batteries in everything and they were once again good to go…..big flashlights, little flashlights, candles, clickers, clocks, nothing we’d obviously missed.

Watered and fed starving plants hanging from hooks everywhere.

I ironed, yes IRONED my denim napkins that have been sitting wrinkled on the ironing board for 11 months.

Tried on every pair of jeans in my closet and then hung them in order of preference.

Went through my T-shirts and tossed a bunch and that was painful.

Rearranged shoes and threw out an assortment of make-up that didn’t deliver with the promises they made about a younger looking me!

Neurotic?
Guilty!

And then one day I was all done, nothing left to do and knew it was time to open the door of…..THE ROOM!

The place in this house where anything I can’t or don’t want to deal with, or don’t know what to do with, goes.
Kinda like a junk drawer only it’s an entire room!

It’s a seldom opened door but when I need to go in there, I go in quick and use tunnel vision.
I don’t wanna see it.
It can be scary.
Not quite to the hoarding stage yet but, it’s got potential.

And that’s how it goes…..

One-of-us has a day full of errands and is in-and-out of the car, stores and shops, dealing with traffic, road detours, protestors waving their signs and wanting me to honk and by the time I finally honk, I’m way past the protestors and the guy in front of me thinks I honked at him and I’m trying to mouth “I’m sorry.”
Do NOT wanna piss anyone off.
Uh uh, not in today’s world!
Oh and I spend time every day in the room, trying to make sense of WHY I saved that stuff and figure out what to do with it.

The other one-of-us enjoys his environment of flowers, plants and trees, probably some nice shopping music in the background and doing a little social chit-chat with customers plus getting to know the other three cashiers who, by the way are young female college girls (they’re gonna love him BUT …thou shalt not friggin’ touch!!)

After his first day of work, before heading home, he called me to say that he’d just finished working 3 hours and made $36!
AND…..it gets even better.
His first paycheck was a whopping total of $30!!

Through this entire experience, my favorite so far, is the part where the cashier has to flash a big smile and a….. “did you find everything alright?”
MY husband asking people if they found everything?
Really?
I have to wonder what happens if anyone ever says NO.
What on earth will he do?
Probably suggest they look up on the ceiling…..
that’s where he looks for everything!