I’m gonna tell you this story and I don’t expect anyone except one person to believe it.
The one person is Bobfone, because he was there, he saw it.

Now, he’d be the first person to accuse me of “embellishing” (that’s his polite word when really he wants to say EXAGGERATING or worse yet, lying.)
But that’s not gonna happen with story UNLESS I’m under-embellishing.
No way could I over-inflate this one.
No friggin’ way!

It was a warm, sunny Sacramento summer day.
Bobfone and I were sitting on the back patio having Margaritas….. talking, laughing, and watching the dogs running around playing on the grass.

From where I was sitting, I was facing our neighbor’s back yard.
Couldn’t see anything other than the six-foot redwood fence but something made me kinda look down at the bottom of the fence and that’s when I saw it.

It was yellow, like a ripe banana skin, and maybe 3-inches in diameter, yes….3 inches but wait, I think I’m under-embellishing.
Thinking back now, I’m sure that sucker was 10, no 12-inches wide, round, whatever you wanna call it.

It was coming under the bottom of the fence from our neighbors yard.
It was coming toward the edge of the patio.
The patio where we were sitting!
The patio where Bobfone’s chair was like REAL close to the edge and the yellow thing.
I think Bob was talking but I’d been removed to The Twilight Zone.
Something big, yellow and hugely round was slithering closer and closer to us.
My eyes were locked on it.
I had to keep watching it and I kept thinking that this wasn’t real, the whole thing wasn’t real. Maybe I was in bed having a nightmare. I guess I could’da pinched myself but I was too afraid to move.
Either way, I was gonna have to save us…Bob, my two dogs and me.
It was moving slow… kinda like slow-motion slow, but it keep coming.
It kept getting longer and longer and closer and closer.

Just before my “fight or flight” kicked in, it kinda lifted it’s head and looked at me for part of a second and then just kinda turned and kept slowly slithering away like a cartoon snake would do.
I almost expected it to speak, sayin’ somethin’ to me in a slow, deep voice like, “Hi there, just passin’ through.”

I needed to get my husband, the most easy-going, never-in-a-rush, slow-moving man on the earth to move FAST outta that chair and I needed to get both dogs inside and quick before they saw the slithering, yellow thing with no end, coming toward us.

I’ve known my husband for a long time and I’ve only seen him move fast once. Truth!
One time!!
He doesn’t do fast.
He doesn’t even do medium.
He’s Mr Mellow. Mellow like yellow, and yellow like the creature that kept getting closer.

I took a deep breath, “Lobo if you’ve EVER believed me in your entire life, believe me now. Get up from your chair NOW and RUN to the house FAST.
And call the dogs while you’re running and get them in the house. I’m right behind you. I’ll tell you why when we’re safe inside.”

He did it!
He moved fast!
And zip, in a heartbeat the 4 of us were standing on the inside looking through the patio door… at the outside… at the patio where we were just sitting… at the big yellow thing.

“DAMN! ……….WHAT THE HELL?”…….he saw it.

It was now fully through the fence and later we figured at least 3 feet long…..nope, I ‘m sure it was more than 10 feet.

“Lobo, do something!”

And my hero sprang into action.
He grabbed the broom and waste basket and went forward to slay the dragon.
I watched from the inside windows.
They were both walking slow.
Bobfone was just a bit behind it.
It almost looked like he was taking a walk with it.
And then they were out of my eye sight.
I wondered about the broom and waste basket.
What was the plan?
Try to sweep that huge sucker into the basket with a broom?
And then what?

Moments later he was inside and safe, broom and EMPTY waste basket still in hand.

“What did you do? Where is it?”

“It’s gone.”

“Gone?….. Gone where?”

“Gone outta the backyard.”

“Outta the back yard and into the FRONT yard?”

“Naw, it’s gone outta there by now.”

“By now?”

He knew that wasn’t gonna work.
And so, my hero then walked out the front door and pretended like he was looking for that big, yellow thing in our shrubs.

A few minutes later he was back inside and happily reported it was gone, no sight of it anywhere. Could be blocks away by now.

Ya, right!

Well, I wasn’t gonna go looking for it so I had to hope that The Snake Whisperer was right.

Early the next morning I opened the front door to see my 98 pound, 65 year old neighbor standing on the sidewalk.
Her arms were extended out in front of her and slung over them was the big, yellow snake.
Kinda looked like he was maybe sleeping?

“Jeanette!!! What the HELL are you doing?”

“Well, I found this guy in my front yard.
I watched him for awhile and he didn’t look mean, so I picked him up.”

“Guy? You picked him up? WHY?”

She started to walk toward my door with the big, round, yellow thing draped and dangling over her arms.

“NO!
Jeanette!
Don’t come any closer.
Just stay there and talk a little louder, I can hear you.”

I double checked the lock on the screen door.

“What are ya gonna do now?”

“I’m gonna take it over to the trail and let it loose.”

“The trail right across the street? The one I walk every day?”

“Yep.”

“Jeanette, people walk that trail…..every day!”

“Aw, he’s not gonna hurt anybody…look at him.”

“I don’t wanna look at it Jeanette. It belongs in a jungle somewhere, NOT on our walking trail.”

She laughed. She actually laughed at me!

And, off she went to the trail, yellow thing still dangling.

Well, I never walked on that trail again and each time we sat outside, I never took my eyes off the bottom of the redwood fence.

Sometime later we heard that the big yellow snake was someone’s pet Python that had gotten loose in the neighborhood.
A “pet” Python? Do those words even go together?
They couldn’t have gotten a dog?
And gee, of all the backyards, thousands…..it chose to come to ours.

Later, I wished I would have had the courage to say something when it was looking at me.
I’m quite sure it wanted to apologize for intruding on our afternoon.

And believe me, …..INTRUDE it did!