I’d been yelling at my mom for about six months.
I wasn’t mad, it wasn’t that kind of yell.
She just couldn’t hear me so I had to yell.
I was tired of trying to convince her that her ten-year old hearing aids were dead and she needed new ones, so I just decided to go with it and yell.

Nope, she wasn’t gonna spend “that kind of money.”
After all, she was old and yada, yada, yada.
And she told me to just “zip it.”

So, she went hearing-aid-less for six months and I began yelling so she could hear me.
It takes a lot of energy to yell out a conversation.
The most embarrassing part was I’d forget after I left her that I didn’t need to yell anymore and sometimes it was the weird looks I got from friends, family and clerks that kinda said, what’s with the yelling?

After a few months she realized, yelling wasn’t working and she gave in.

We did the shopping rule of three; we went to 3 different hearing aid places then compared and made our decision.

The first place we ruled out ‘cause we didn’t like the high pressure sales pitch.

The third place just didn’t feel right.
The price was WAY below average and I didn’t trust the deal.

We eventually settled with “door number two.”
No high pressure sales and a very likeable woman who took plenty of time explaining the different choices and what she thought would work best for my mom.

I paid extra close attention as I knew I’d be the one helping put them in and out, cleaning them and changing batteries.

A couple weeks after we ordered them we returned for the fitting and sound adjustments.

Right off the bat, my mom didn’t like them.
She liked her old ones better.
The Audiologist helping had explained that her old ones were VERY old and weren’t made anymore.
That didn’t matter.
She kept saying she liked her old ones better.
Eventually she agreed to give the new ones a fair try.

My mom’s hearing aids were a nightmare and before long, it was ME who hated them.

I don’t think a week ever passed that we didn’t have hearing aid drama.

Each ear aid had it’s own little case, one with a big R and the other yep an L.
She was suppose to always put them in those little cases whenever she took them out of her ears.
I found a cute little zip bag with pictures of ears on it that the R and L fit into and that’s how it was suppose to go……but it didn’t.

My mom preferred to take them out of her ears and wad them up in a piece of kleenex and just lay the kleenex anywhere.
Who does that?
My mom!
Why?
Well, her reasoning was that someone would figure out what the Ear Bag was for and steal them but nobody wanted a wadded up piece of kleenex!
What she missed time after time was SHE often threw the wads away and so did housekeeping!

So, I got lots of lost hearing aid calls and I was the one who had pick through the trash and unwad kleenex.

Her panic calls were always at a moment when the last thing I wanted to do was run over there to find her “lost or stolen” hearing aids.
“Honey, I can’t find my hearing aids,” she’d YELL over the phone.
“I’ll be right over mom.”
“WHAT? I can’t hear you.”
“I’m coming.”
“You’re running? Why are you running?”
“I’m not running mom, I’m coming.”
“Will you come?”
“Yes mom, here I come.”
“WHAT?”
“I’m coming.”
“You’re hungry?”
“No mom, I’m not hungry…..I’m coming.”
“Oh, well eat and then will you come?”
“Yep, I’m on my way.”
“WHAT?”
“Bye mom!!!”

As time went on, my mom got real creative with hiding that kleenex because she was SURE someone wanted HER hearing aids.
I guess it wouldn’t have been so bad if she could only REMEMBER where she hid the wad every night!

Lucky for me, we lived only five minutes apart because most days I took that drive two or three times.

It’s true that history has a way of repeating itself.
How do I know?
Well, the TV, my kids, friends, clerks in stores, people on the phone have all decided to all of a sudden talk so I can’t hear them.
I’ve even accused my husband of mumbling, which I didn’t think he was really doing.
At first I began by turning the TV volume up and asking people to repeat what they were saying and I used my favorite four letter word often….WHAT?
My husband began ordering my sandwiches from the deli’s for me ‘cause he knew they just weren’t talking loud enough for me.
And I started paying close attention to talking mouths and tried to read lips.

I began receiving hearing aid offers in the mail and I’d find little articles about the latest, greatest hearing aids kinda just sitting on my desk.
And then…..a conspiracy my girls began yelling at me instead of talking.
They yelled for a while and then they began chanting GET A HEARING AID!
Get a hearing aid?
I didn’t need a hearing aid!!!!!
My mother needed a hearing aid…..I certainly didn’t!

I began noticing more hearing aids in ears.
Ears of younger people than me (of which there are a lot of!)
Ears of people I know.
Was it true?
That’s where I was at?
Hearing Aidsville?
No!
Flashbacks; that horrid high pitched noise they make while fitting into the ear canal, dead batteries, too high, too low, too sensitive, losing them, the cost…..no, no, no!

The articles have stopped appearing on my desk, my girls don’t say those four words to me anymore…..GET A HEARING AID and they don’t even yell at me anymore.
What they do is laugh a lot and I actually think they like all the mistaken words I hear making some real ridiculous sentences.

Strange how things happen.
When my mom left this planet 2 years ago, she was living with my husband and me in San Diego.
Two of my girls helped me deal with her belongings.
The little ear bag that held the box that held her hearing aids was on her bedside table.
I held that bag in my hands and my thoughts slipped back to all the chaos those two little things caused.
I held one in my hand and listened to one last screech.

I did what my mom told me to do with them.
After things calmed, I boxed them and mailed them with a letter to the sweet woman that used to help us and smiled everytime we walked through the door.
They could be reconditioned and donated to someone who needed their help but couldn’t afford them.
That’s where they went.

Me?
I’m kinda waitin’ around.
I figure every day another Boomer needs hearing aids and soon someone will figure it out…..not HEARING aids but EARRING aids; jewelry for the ear with a teeny tiny device disguised in color and design and everybody will want them…..including me.
Until then, well…..I say WHAT a lot and it’s not so bad misinterpretting words, it’s often good for a laugh.

And kleenex?
When I see a wadded up piece of kleenex, I have to fight the urge to grab it and unwad it…..just to make sure!