I was nineteen when I married.
What does a nineteen year old know about life?
I’ll answer for me…..close to nothing!

When I said, “I do,” not only did I gain a husband, but also an entire, large extended family of sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends…… and I loved them all.

My new sister-in-law was just a few years older than me and I was in awe of her.
She was beautiful; tall, thin, dark hair, skin that looked always tanned, lovely long fingernails (all hers), great clothes and jewelry.
When she smiled, her eyes twinkled.
I loved being around her.

When she married and had children, I became an aunt.
She had a son and a daughter so I had a nephew and a niece.

Being an aunt is special, it’s one branch down on the family tree from being a grandmother.
There’s no work involved in being an aunt.
You love the kids or just tolerate them and take it as far as you want.
If you want to be just an aunt, you can.
If you want to be a FAVORITE aunt, ya gotta put a little more work into it, right Melissa?
There’s no discipline involved, that’s not really an aunts job, so an aunt is never the enemy.

I had wonderful aunts and amazing cousins, they were such an important part of my childhood.
Cousins, in a way are better than siblings ‘cause for the most part there’s no rivalry.
And, they’re better than just friends ‘cause there’s a bond between cousins that can’t be seen but can be felt.

I enjoyed being Aunt Sue and I loved watching the cousins play together.
I wanted my girls to experience cousin kinship and remember it all when life took them all on different paths.
I wanted fun memories for them that they all shared as family.
And, well maybe I kinda wanted to be the favorite aunt, too.

My sister-in-laws family lived a full days car drive away.
We tried to visit and spend time with them every summer for a few days.
And, they also returned the visits once or twice a year.
The kids were all in the same age range and there was always lots of laughter when they were together.

It was ME who encouraged the road trips so we could keep connected.
It was ME who remembered their birthdays with cards and gifts.
It was ME who made sure they always had Christmas gifts from us.
And it was ME who got erased from the family when I divorced.

Divorce is so emotionally heavy and terribly sad.
Friends and family feel they must choose “sides”….. who to keep, who to toss.
For 23 years his family and friends were mine too and then one day, they weren’t.
I guess it’s just hard to try to stay open and non-judgmental.
Everybody’s got an OPINION.
Maybe I was deemed the bad guy, maybe it was just a matter of loyalty but either way, I lost a family, full of people whom I loved.

I’d written to each sister-in-law, trying to explain that I was about to divorce and why.
All I wanted from them was their understanding, that’s all.
No opinions, no side choosing, just an understanding.
I never received any kind of reply from either of them and so, I took that as my reply and stepped back.
It hurt real bad losing them, I loved them.
But I realized it was part of the price I was gonna have to pay to become free from a life that was dragging me down.

My nephew and niece were in their teen years when I was UNaunted.
When their birthday’s rolled around, I wanted to send them cards.
I wanted to write them notes.
I wanted to tell them I loved them still and I hoped they still loved me.
But, I didn’t do it.
I didn’t know where I belonged.
I didn’t know if I had a right anymore.
I didn’t know if I’d been portrayed to them as a bad guy.
I just didn’t know.
And so I let it go.
But, I NEVER forgot!

A few years ago, my nephew began showing up now and then in my daughter’s lives.
They loved re-connecting with him, loved knowing the man who used to be their boy cousin.
They told me as much as they could about the man he’d become and the paths his life had taken.
I heard happy things, I heard sad things…..like the rest of us, I guess.

We had one unhappy thing in common…..divorce.

I don’t know what that little boy thought of his used-to-be Aunt Sue all those years ago, but I hoped after going through a divorce, how it torques with the brain and emotions, maybe he could look at me with, I don’t know…..understanding? Acceptance?

Last year my nephew, because he STILL IS MY NEPHEW, came to town and spent a few days with my Sweet Melissa.
I took a deep breath of courage and asked Melissa if I could spend an evening with them.
She was thrilled.
I took that as a positive sign.

I’m sure it was as awkward for that great big, tall man to reach down and hug me as it was for me to reach up but, oh my heart.
It was a surreal evening for me, looking and listening to that man and remembering that little boy.
I was thrilled to meet his adorable fiance and see the happiness that bounced back between the two of them.

There’s no way to recapture what has been lost but I took another step a few months ago and in this world of Facebook, I sent him a FRIEND request and….he responded with an acceptance and again, I was thrilled.

Currently I’m enjoying all of his facebook photos from a recent California vacation he, his fiance and her two adorable sons shared.
I look at their smiling faces and I have high hopes that they’re all on the happy road and that they’ll stay there.

I’ve got a feeling they’ll be back for California visits often and when they do, I wanna be there too.

I want him to know that the lady he used to call Aunt Sue, still IS his Aunt Sue and cares as much now as she did way back then.

I want him to be comfortable and relaxed and be able to visit with each other.
I want to follow his life and even share a teeny part of it.
I want to hug him and one day I want to hear him call me Aunt Sue, again.

And, one day soon….I’ll take a breath of courage and send another Facebook FRIEND request, to his sister, the sweet little girl who captured my heart with her soft voice and shy behavior….my niece.

I have a daughter and a son-in-law who managed not only to stay friends with each other after they divorced, but to stay connected as family.
She recently drove a few hours off the beaten path on her vacation to spend time with the women who were once her mother-in-law and sister-in-law.
Her feelings for them remain as they have been from the beginning.

My son-in-law still remembers me with lovely cards and hand written notes on my birthdays and mothers days, and a surprise bouquet of flowers now and then.
And he never misses an opportunity to gather with all of us on special occasions.
We love him still as we always have.

Divorce is hard on so many people but probably the hardest on the kids involved, watching and feeling their world explode.

Because of the way my daughter and her ex-husband CHOSE to handle their divorce, my grandson doesn’t carry the heart pain that so many must.

Wouldn’t it be nice?