The first clue that something wasn’t quite right with my friend Sarah was one day a year before this story took place when she and her husband, both good frieds of ours came for a visit.
The doorbell rang and there she was standing before me with a big smile on her face and the very first thing she said to me was, “I’m not wearing a bra.”
Hmmm, that puzzled me.
So not like her very sophisticated self.

This story takes place a year later when sadly she’d been run through numerous tests and diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer’s.

This is part two of my story.

THURSDAY NOVEMBER 17
I decided she was sleeping at least a little bit each night.
Every morning at breakfast while she was putting fresh strawberries on her cereal, she told the story of her mother’s friend who lived in Ada, Michigan and grew strawberries.
It was word-for-word exact every day.
“Is Miller coming today?” she asked at least half a dozen times while we were having breakfast.
I held up 5 fingers of one hand.
I told her to look at them real close and remember them and then we counted them together.
She looked at me and then said “five.”
YES!!!
A small victory!
After breakfast I ran over things I’d like to accomplish, things we needed to do.
I reminded her we were going to a Thanksgiving dinner at my mom’s nursing home and we should each take a shower before we go.
I asked her to give me all her dirty clothes when she took them off.
She decided to shower right then.
When she was done, she came out of the bathroom in the same clothes she’s been wearing for days.
She wasn’t really dirty, and neither were her clothes and I decided not to tamper with what little pride she may have left and treat her like a child asking for her dirty underwear.
That’s for Tom to deal with.
It was a beautiful day outside.
She ran a few errands with me.
We were invited for lunch at Missy’s….. grilled Swiss cheese sandwiches, Sarah’s favorite lunch.
While at Missy’s house, she asked when Tom was coming.
I told her she knew, she just had to think back to remember.
I gave her a few seconds to think, then held up my five fingers.
“FIVE” she happily shouted out.
After lunch, we ran a few errands.
Sarah didn’t want to get out of the car.
I was scared to leave her.
She promised she wouldn’t get out of the car….I know, I know!
I had to have some faith.
I ran in and out of a couple places and each time she was sleeping when I returned.
I figured that drowsiness must be one of the side effects of the medications she was taking.

We went to my mom’s Nursing Home Thanksgiving Dinner Celebration.
Sarah seemed to enjoy herself, there were 17 of us at our table.
Later, she watched TV with us for an hour or so and then decided to go to bed.

FRIDAY NOVEMBER 19
She was up at 8 but said she was going back to bed.
Ten minutes later she appeared fully dressed.
She had her cereal and read the paper as usual.
I know that consistency is important for those suffering with Alzheimer’s.
New things were scary.
She watched Regis‘ last day on TV and seemed to really enjoy it.
I loved hearing her laugh.
She’d been robbed of so much but she could still laugh.

We went for a 1 mile dog walk, she was cold and couldn’t wait to get home.
She snoozed on the sofa for a bit and then had her daily grilled Swiss cheese sandwich.
I had one too.
What the heck?
I love grilled cheese sandwiches and don’t have what it takes to watch someone eat one every day and not eat one of my own.

It was a long, lazy day with no real plans which made it a bit difficult to keep Sarah occupied.
But we all need those kind of days every once in a while.

We had take-out Chinese for dinner and rented a movie.
It was Friday night and the beginning of the week-end and HOORAY!

We watched the rented movie and all three of us fell asleep on the sofas.

It was beginning to get chilly at nighttime.
Sarah had finally become comfortable enough to lie down on the bed and crawl under the covers to fall asleep.

SATURDAY NOVEMBER 20
Poor Sarah.
Our cars were both small.
One was a two seater and the other a two-door.
It was a bit of a struggle for her to get in and out of the back seat and she mumbled and grumbled a bit about it under her breath.

The three of us ran some Saturday errands.
Caring for her was much easier for me when Lobo was with us.
I think he gave me vibrations of emotional strength.

I was still going to the Skilled Nursing Facility daily and trying to keep my mom happy.
I look back at it now and wonder…how the heck did I keep my sanity….or did I?

Our grandson Bobby had a piano recital at 6 p.m.
We sat in the front row and Sarah openly enjoyed every moment.
She smiled, clapped and even shouted out a comment during an “accordian moment.”

After the recital, we stopped at an Italian restaurant for dinner.
Tom had warned me that she wasn’t able to order off a menu any longer so I ordered her a cup of soup like I was having and the three of us shared a pizza.
Oh…and she had a glass of wine….what the heck?

It had been a fun evening for all of us.
Within minutes after we got home, we were all three in our pj’s and as usual, watched a movie til we fell asleep.

SUNDAY NOVEMBER 20
Lobo & I were always up early on the week-ends.
We wanted every moment of the two non-working days we could get.

Sarah came out of her “apartment” at about 7, said HI and then went back to bed for a of couple hours.

Moments when it was just the two of us had become rare and a treat.

Lobo and I were straightening up the house when she finally got up.
She went into the kitchen and tried so hard to put her breakfast together.
It ripped at my heart to watch her struggle with tasks that for most took absolutely no thought.

It was Bloody Mary Sunday Morning, a tradition of ours for many years.
A tradition I was NOT giving up while Sarah stayed with us.
Give up Bloody Mary Sunday Mornings for three weeks?
I don’t think so!
And anyways…why?

I sat with Sarah and we talked about life.
She made only a little outward sense but I was trying to talk to the person way down deep inside, I hoped I’d reached her.
She talked compassionately about Tom which thrilled me.

Not only was it Bloody Mary Sunday Morning, it was also All Day Movie Watchin’ Sunday Afternoon.
Lobo had gone to The Red Box and brought back a handful of movies for us to choose from. 

Tom would be there in 2 sleeps.

MONDAY NOVEMBER 21
Missy, Sarah and I had a Wal-Mart shopping day with my mom.
We met her transport Van when it pulled up.
My mom was sitting, waiting all dressed up and shaking with excitement to be able to get out and shop.
The van driver brought her down on the lift in her motorized chair and we were off and running.

She shopped to her hearts content for Christmas decorations that she’d been talking about for a month.

Missy and Sarah had grabbed a basket and gone off on in a different direction.

I realized there was NO WAY I could take both my mom & Sarah shopping alone.
I was so grateful to Melissa.
Thank you again, my sweet daughter and friend.

Not that shopping is in any way painful to Melissa.
Anyone who knows her, knows that shopping is without a doubt, her thing.

Sarah bought 2 pretty turquoise ornaments for her daughter.
She said turquois was her daughter’s favorite color.

Coincidentally, later that evening her daughter called and asked that we give her mom a big hug and kiss and tell her that she loved her.

Sarah’s face lit up like a Christmas tree full of bright, colored lights when we conveyed the message.

We three watched TV for a while that evening and then voted to go to bed.

I walked Sarah into her bedroom every night, turned on the TV, found a channel for her and set the timer.
Now, this may sound like an easy task but, not so.
First, clickers and I are not compatable.
Next, it was always obvious to me that Sarah had pushed the buttons and screwed up the TV because every night I struggled trying to make sense but every night called for help from Lobo, my TV clicker hero.

I always set the timer to turn the TV off in 2 hours.
I’d give her a goodnight hug.

Sarah and I were two very different people but… a loving hug is a loving hug.
She always melted when I hugged her.
Human contact is SO important.

TUESDAY NOVEMBER 22
Tom’s plane was scheduled to land in Sacramento at 5:30 pm.
I was so excited.

I was pretty sure that the three weeks that took so long to pass for us, flew by for him.

I cranked up the hillbilly music in the morning and told Sarah that she could watch TV in her room if she chose but the hillbilly music was staying on all day.

I had to be careful after Sarah ate.
She tried to be helpful by rinsing out whatever dishes etc she used for breakfast and then put them back in the cupboard somewhere.
I really preferred dishwasher clean.

It was housecleaning day.
I handed Sarah a duster and gave her a job.
She was thrilled, she loved helping.
She walked through the entire house and dusted.

At one point she came to me, hugged me and said “I love you.”
OK…..kleenex please!

Tom’s plane was delayed, the new scheduled landing was 7:30 p.m.
Sarah walked back and forth from the door most of the day just looking for him.
I sat up with her and waited.
After a few more delays, he finally arrived after midnight.
I was a bit leary of the homecoming….. afraid she was gonna be mad at him but it went way different than I had imagined.
It made me sad that there were no smiles, no hugs, no happy faces ….. no warm emotion.
But, it was obvious that Sarah was happy to see him.
She took his hand and wanted to show him her bedroom right away.

He had a bad cold.
I didn’t want to catch it so gave a quick hug and told him I’d see him in the morning.

WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 23
The day before Thanksgiving was a very busy kitchen day for me.
My family always gathered at our house for Thanksgiving and it was always a great time but eating at our house left them without no traditional leftovers.
So, every year, the day before Thanksgiving, I stuffed and roasted 5 small turkeys; one for each of my girls and one for my son-in-law, James.

Tom and I talked a little bit in the kitchen and to my happy surprise, Lobo came home early from work.
Tom wanted to go out for dinner but none of us were very hungry so we just went to a little place around the corner.
Sarah seemed to do real well with the menu.

THURSDAY NOVEMBER 24 THANKSGIVING
It was Thanksgiving day.
Melissa had suggested that we take a break and let her host Thanksgiving.
I was thrilled but insisted on doing the turkey.

The 25 pound bird was stuffed and ready for Missy’s oven by 10.
Tom wanted to show-off his culinary skills so made sweet potatoes and a dessert.

There’s enough of us when we all get together that we’re a party.
Sarah had a great day, sometimes she does so well.
She spent time with my mother.
My mom loved talking with her.

I remember one of my ER doc friends describing Alzheimer’s to me liking it to a piece of Swiss Cheese.
Sometimes when the brain fires the message gets through (hole in the cheese), other times it just hits a solid wall of nothingness.
It was a good day for Sarah, the messages got through.

FRIDAY NOVEMBER 25
Sarah’s behavior toward Tom was so different than I had expected.
Throughout every day without him she had not spoken kindly of him.
She mentioned him at least every hour of every day that she was awake.
Asked “Where’s Miller?”,
“Give him a hard time when he gets here”,
“Make him do all the work”,
“make him pay for everything”.
Sometimes she pretended like she didn’t know who he was.
Or….wait, maybe she wasn’t pretending?
I don’t know.

I noticed that she seemed to become much more quiet and dependent since he’d arrived.
She sat next to him, walked with him and when she talked, she talked to him.
I mentioned her different behavior to Tom.
He said throughout the days she comments that she has “the best” husband.
So, she’s angry at him when he’s not with her is all I could figure.
Maybe afraid without him?

We thought we had a fun day planned but were wrong.

We all enjoyed a lazy morning then after lunch drove to Nevada City and walked the shops.
It was obvious that was nothing Sarah enjoyed.
Then at 5:30 we drove to Grass Valley, the next city over for their Cornish Christmas.
It’s always such a fun day and evening each holiday time but not that year.
That year we had Sarah with us and she was not having a good time.
We gave up, had dinner and headed for home.
The only thing we could think is she was uncomfortable in the crowds of people…..maybe too much stimulation.

SATURDAY NOVEMBER 26
We had five more days of having them with us and I was out of ideas.
A day with someone suffering from Alzheimer’s is a long day.
It was the same stories and questions all day long.
I’m ashamed to admit but it became taxing on my brain.
I needed some quiet, I needed some time alone.

Lobo felt my vibes and as always came to my rescue.
He took Tom & Sarah into Sacramento to the Scottish Rites Temple to an Art’s and Craft’s show.
They had lunch while out.
I didn’t want to go, I just sat quiet reflecting on things.
It was getting hard
I really did need my life back.

I think Sarah had caught the cold that Tom had brought with him.

She bought 2 pair of earrings while out, one for her, one for her daughter, same earrings, different colors.
She happily sat beside me on the sofa and showed the earrings to me.
I complimented them and remarked how lovely they’d both look in them.
She slowly and methodically wrapped them up in tissue, put them in a box, put the box in a bag and took them into her bedroom.

Minutes later she came out of the bedroom with the bag in her hand.
She sat next to me and again showed the earrings to me like I’d never seen them before and it had just been minutes.
Her short term memory was just gone.
It was so sad.

SUNDAY NOVEMBER 27
It was Bloody Mary Sunday Morning again.

We pulled out the drawer that held our Christmas CD’s and the holiday music began.

Tom helped Lobo bring our Christmas decorations down from the attic and we decorated a bit.
It wasn’t fun like it usually is, it was forced fun and that’s not fun.

Lobo had recorded a 6-hour movie on Prohibition so the four of us sat and watched it all afternoon.
Tom & Sarah dozed on and off.
I got a strange feeling that what we were seeing was how most of their days went.

We had Lasagna, salad & bread for dinner.
It was a long day and we were happy to say good night.

MONDAY NOVEMBER 28
It was another long day and I was on my own with our two house guests.
Lobo had gone to work.

They pretty much sat on the sofa all day and watched old movies and dozed into short naps.
It was very depressing for me.
Sarah never slept like that when Tom wasn’t with her so I had to wonder how much stimulation they offered each other on a daily basis.
And, I had to think that Tom was just about burned out.
If three weeks got to me…..what the heck did the years do to Tom?

In the afternoon, Tom walked my dogs with me, Sarah didn’t want to come.

I called Lobo before he headed for home and asked that he stop somewhere and bring chicken soup home for Sarah.
She was ill.
By the time I crawled into bed that night, I knew I was catching it also.

TUESDAY NOVEMBER 29
Sarah was up early and I could hear her in the shower.
She came out of the bathroom dressed and said she felt better.
Tom had decided to take her downtown Sacramento to the Crocker Art Museum.

They were gone for a few hours and it felt heavenly to be alone and quiet with just my dogs.

When they arrived home, Sarah was bubbling over with happy.

Lobo brought home another container of chicken soup only this time it was for me.
It warmed me inside and I slept the rest of the evening

WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 30
It was early morning and the luggage was by the door.
I was filled with mixed emotions.
I watched Tom load the trunk with their luggage.
He seemed empty, almost without emotion.
This monster kills the spirit of more than just it’s victim.

We said our good-bye’s and of course I began to cry.

That moment was the definition of bittersweet.

I hugged Sarah tight and long, told her how much we loved her.

We waved as they drove away.

How can a person feel so excited they want to dance and so sad they want to just sob somewhere at the same time?

I’m proud that we helped and pissed that we had to.
WHY?
Just why?
What the hell is the sense of all the horrid things that happen to people on this planet?
There’s no answer that works for me.

Lobo went to work and I sat on the sofa and sobbed until I was empty of tears.

Lobo and I had put our lives aside for three weeks, it was time to be us again.

I dried the tears, put on my music and zipped through our little house putting it back together for the two of us.

It was dark by the time Lobo arrived home from work.
He walked into an incense smelling, candle lit house with soft romantic music playing.
The table was set for two and dinner was in the oven.
I met him at the door.
We hugged tight for a long time.
No words, just feelings.
Deep, deep feelings of gratitude for our lives and our problems.
Our problems had solutions.

Sarah’s visit gave us an “in our face” view of how fragile life really is and how it all can change in a piece of a moment.
I was taught by a very wise man a long time ago that I must “pull something GOOD out of everything BAD.”
I thought about that for a long time.
I’m still thinking about it all this time later.