THIS IS WHY
Something has been bothering me real bad lately and today I’m gonna explode!
“Know-It-All’s”…..I’ll bet we all know at least one.
It’s bad enough when they open their mouths and let their lack of knowledge show but they’re twice as irritating when they try to spout off about something YOU really know about and it’s mega-obvious that they know NOTHING of what they’re talking about…..NOTHING.
It’s in the news, it’s everywhere, the molestation pigs are being revealed.
FINALLY and it’s about time.
But, the Know-It-Alls wanna know WHY it took 20, 30, 40 plus years for the VICTIMS to speak about the molester.
And because they didn’t speak out when it happened, well then it’s just obvious it didn’t really happen or worse…..it didn’t matter.
Ask any Know-It-All WHO WASN’T EVEN THERE!!!!!
Well, my friends…..I’m here today to tell you WHY!
It happened to me twice.
Three times if you want to count the time my then-husband’s friend put his hand on my leg in the back seat of a car one dark night and moved it quickly up my leg and began letting it travel inward.
I grabbed his hand, dug in my nails and moved it off and away from my leg.
Later when we were alone, I told my husband what happened.
You know what he said to me?
No, you can’t know ‘cause I never told you.
He said, “Awww he didn’t mean nothin.’”
I was in my early twenties at the time and the lesson I learned that night was I didn’t count.
It didn’t matter.
Don’t make waves.
I WASN’T TAKEN SERIOUS!!!
Fast forward maybe twenty years.
I was an R.N. working in a rather small Emergency Department of a community hospital.
I was a “Mary Poppins” kinda person.
Liked and got along with almost everyone.
Tried to see just the good in everyone, making me naive, REAL naive…..maybe even stupid!
Incident number one happened one day when I was at work and in a room with no windows so without the light on, it was pitch dark in there.
I was kinda in a squat position filling one of the exam tables with needed supplies.
In a heartbeat, before I had a chance to even THINK, the door opened and I saw the doc who I was working with that day.
He had a lecherous smile on his face.
The door shut, the light went out and the next thing I knew he was there next to me with his hands grasping and groping me all over my body…..every part he could touch AND as quick as it happened, it was over.
Maybe you non-believers or you know-it-alls think I asked for it.
I’ve heard that one before about women who’ve been mistreated in ANY way…sure, they asked for it. RIGHT!
Let me tell you this.
I was married.
I loved my husband.
I had four children and we were livin‘ our life.
I enjoyed talking and laughing with EVERYONE but in NO FRIGGIN’ WAY did I EVER give this doc or any other male any indication that I would enjoy his perverted hands all over me.
I was NOT interested in being FELT UP by a jerk doc or even a non-jerk doc.
It sickened me and I didn’t know what to do.
It all happened so damn fast I just froze there for a few minutes trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
I knew I HAD to leave that room and go back to the nurses station and face this creep.
There he was, he kinda looked up at me with a dirty, smirky smile and then back to work.
I never mentioned this incident to anyone, not even my husband who made light of his friends hand on my leg.
I buried it.
WHY?
Ya wanna know WHY?
Because I was a female…..he was a male.
I was a nurse…..he was a doctor.
WHO was I suppose to go to, the male CEO?
And he was gonna believe an easily replaceable RN over an MD?
I don’t think so.
And the discomfort of it all.
You THINK the doc was gonna admit it?
I sure as hell didn’t think so.
Mostly dear readers…..I was ashamed.
How dumb is that?
I was ashamed that he did that to me.
How could that happen?
WHY did that happen?
What did I do to bring that on?
Are you reading that? I blamed myself!
Insult number two happened during the same time frame.
Same place, different doc.
There was a time that some doctors thought they were Gods.
It was during that time.
I was learning something new and helping out with a procedure.
The patient was asleep under anesthesia.
The doc had been awesome during the entire procedure, explaining things to me and actually doing some teaching so I could assist more.
The lights were off in the room for this particular procedure.
Again, without any time to even THINK, this guy grabbed me and kissed me…ON MY LIPS.
I was beyond appalled.
I was sick to my stomach.
I ran out of the room to the bathroom spit, and scrubbed the inside and outside of my mouth.
Trust me…..I did NOT “ask for” or invite this behavior in ANY way.
Again, I had to face this jackass in the E.R.
I wanted to walk over to him, slug him, pick up my purse and leave but once again,
I did NOTHING.
Who would believe me?
I figured this couldn’t be an isolated incident.
Maybe if I said something, other victims would come forward but what if it backfired?
I was SURE he’d never admit what he did and so, he got away with it.
I needed my job.
I loved my job.
But, it happened just the same you non-believers!!!!
And for anyone, male or female thinking I asked for it…..well, that’s just ignorant!
AND…even then, speaking out doesn’t always work.
Many years ago I watched with much interest the case of Anita Hill.
Possibly some of you don’t even know who I’m talking about or maybe you’ve forgotten but, I haven’t.
I watched and listened intently to a very highly educated, intelligent woman tell her story.
She had worked for Clarance Thomas when she’d been a young lawyer and he had said and shown some sexually obscene things to her.
NOPE, I wasn’t there so I don’t REALLY KNOW.
But the things I heard her say rang true for me.
But ya know what?
It didn’t friggin’ matter.
It didn’t stop him from becoming a Supreme Court Justice.
Nope.
Just didn’t matter.
From where I view all of the stories that are now coming out, some from many years ago, EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE IN PLACE TO PROTECT THE ABUSER!
I am not so ignorant or closed minded to think that there aren’t some untrue accusations that happen.
But when high profile men are accused by 5, 10, 15 or more women of inappropriate sexual behavior and after many years of burying it they come out of hiding and then some jackass want’s to know what took them so long?
What I want to know is WHAT THE HELL DOES IT MATTER HOW LONG IT TOOK?
It happened.
THAT’S what matters!
8 thoughts on “THIS IS WHY”
Sue – an incident happened to my granddaughter and eventually she came forward and the man is in prison. However, she went through so many horrors from “friends” that didn’t believe this guy would do such a thing as molest a 15 year old – she was called a liar, she had to change schools and the attorney for the scum bag tried (unsuccessfully) to make her look like she was the one to make this person look like he was the victim- the humiliation she endured is by telling her story back then cannot be told in this space. Recently she posted on Facebook about her experience.
Sandra, I’m so, SO sorry to hear about your INNOCENT teenaged granddaughter. I’m just so sure there’s millions of stories like hers hidden out there exactly because of what she went through. We can’t find a demon we can’t see. WE ALL NEED TO STAND UP AND FIGHT ALL THIS CRAP THAT MEN HAVE CREATED!!! Someone said it once….men belong frozen in cages, taken out, thawed, used and put back in! I’m beginning to think that makes SENSE! Hugs. xxx
As almost always, you touch and poke spots and memories in your readers…….I hope you are able to continue your blog as well as your work on the new book. Looking forward to both. Thanks as always for your candor…..and sharing and honesty .
Thanks Genie. Sometimes I wonder, WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING? WHO WANTS TO READ MY CRAP but then something like what I recently wrote BECAUSE of what’s going on in this country DOES strike something inside of people. I usually get a few private messages and then outright on facebook. Yesterday a MAN wrote to me telling me his tale of abuse. It ripped at my heart. I just hope all this molestation garbage doesn’t get swept under a rug somewhere. xxx
Hi Sue!
I just read your blog on your experience with harassment. Thank you for sharing that.
I agree. I have had similar incidents. At school, at work, at parties. I feel it is a real power play. Fear of losing is a real factor.
I agree that the abuser seems protected. Changes are desperately needed in this area.
We need to value human life and human dignity more than we do money and property. Somewhere along the line we have gotten those mixed up!
It makes me sad. I want better for my kids and my sweet grand babies.
I’m happy people are speaking up on this ongoing issue. -Laura Cain-Mooney
Wow Laura Cain-Mooney, What a surprise to find your message regarding my latest Blog. Thank you for reading and responding. Sometimes things happen in life that bring back memories, sometimes good, sometimes bad. What’s going on in Hollywood right now needs to stay alive so we can KILL it! It’s our turn to show what WE can do!! It begins with letting them know that we will NO LONGER tolerate their crap!!! I try to Blog every Friday, please check in on them. Again, thank you. xxx
I hope this stuff can FINALLY be stopped. It was almost impossible for a woman to get justice and protection. First thought was always “what did she do go provoke him?” Sickening.
Hi Mark, As always, thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I THINK the pendulum is finally swinging in the way of abused women and justice. We’ll see. A guy just said it to me the other day referring to the fact of the way some women dress that “they’re asking for it.”…..REALLY????? Hope you’re shoulder is healing quickly. xxx