It happens every time I get sick…..not a little sick, a LOT sick.
It’s why I believe in vampires because I turn into something evil, worse than a blood-sucking vampire.
Ask my husband, he’ll tell you.
If he had a choice between a vampire sucking the blood outta his neck EVERY night or putting up with me when I’m sick…he’s goin’ with the vampire!

Some people are just not cut out to be sick.
I’m much better WITH patients than BEING one.
I have no patience being a patient.

The very first time I became really sick after we hooked-up I could see the panic on his face as I began to turn.
When it was over he confessed he thought seriously about finding a hotel room for himself til it was over.

It’s kinda like PMS on steroids.
I get crazy mad.
It’s SUCH a waste of time.
I have to strike out and well, my girls learned a long time ago, STAY AWAY so he’s my only prey.

The flu stole three weeks of my otherwise happy life.
It’s coming to an end now.
The fog is lifting.
I feel my spirits returning and my thinking is clearing.
I’m feeling better….I got through it….I’m gonna live and now, it’s time for damage control and so my darling man, time to remove the armor that you wear each time I enter that dark realm of illness.
You are a gallant warrior and once again, you made it through AND………………..

I’m sorry I threw the kleenex box.

I’m sorry I told you the cough drops you brought were the wrong kind.

Sorry when I went digging through the medicine cabinet for Cold Medication and all the boxes were expired by a good two years and I blamed you.

I’m sorry I was mad at you for bringing me a milk shake instead of a malt.

I apologize for criticizing your driving on the way to the medical clinic. (You DID have that right away!)

I’m sorry for throwing my coat at you when I got on the scale at the doctor’s office and it said WAY more than I expected.

I’m sorry I blamed YOU for me getting the flu. After all, I was fine until YOU insisted I get the damn flu shot!

I’m sorry I cried, and cried and cried but you know that’s what steroids do to me.

I’m sorry I said you put the wrong noodles in the soup you made for me. (You didn’t, they were delicious!)

I’m sorry when you accidentally pushed your key ring and made the horn honk in the garage and I got mad at you.

I’m sorry when I went to mail the Christmas cards and was mad at you because I forgot to put stamps on them.

I’m sorry I got mad at you because MY phone was out of a charge.

I’m sorry I was mad at you ‘cause the dogs went outside and barked!

I’m sorry I threw the clicker ‘cause I don’t know how to make it work.

I’m sorry I complained about being cold but told you I didn’t want another blanket. (I did, I really did but I didn’t want to say it!)

I’m sorry for blaming you because there was nothing good on TV.

I’m sorry cause I told you I wanted chocolate ice cream and you brought home Dryers and I told you I don’t like Dryers…..I do, you know I do!

I’m sorry ‘cause I pushed the wrong damn buttons on the dishwasher and it overflowed on the floor and I blamed you.

I’m sorry for getting mad at you when you didn’t answer me while watching a TV movie with your headphones on.

I’m sorry I got mad at you when the dog puked on the carpet.

I’m sorry when I had a headache and I complained that you flushed the toilet too loud!

I’m sorry for telling you that you put the butter in the wrong spot in the fridge.

I’m sorry for being mad at you for the oven breaking down even though it hasn’t worked since we moved here.

I’m sorry for being mad at you for not remembering things I forgot.

I’m sorry for yelling at you ‘cause that big Blue Jay stole the peanuts outta the tree I put there for Mr Gray Squirrel.

Sorry for being mad at you when the Chinese take-out Wor-Won-Ton Soup didn’t have enough mushrooms in it.

Oh and I’m sorry for using YOUR nice socks after I put Vicks all over the bottom of my feet. (Julie told me to try that!) I didn’t want to screw up my socks.

Lastly, I apologize for all the tossin’, turnin’, moanin and groanin’ every night all night, keeping you awake to share my miseries.

It’s been three weeks today since I did my first set of seven sneezes in a row, my head began hurting and I knew it got me and we were both gonna suffer.

Today……
The Netti Pot is back in the medicine cabinet.
The saline nasal spray is empty.
I’ve finished my second round of antibiotics.
I’ve titrated down and off of those stinkin’ steroids.
I’ve emptied the second “puffer” at $45 a crack
I’ve swallowed the last expectorant pill.
The vaporizer is back in the closet.
The bottle of codeine cough medication has been drained empty.
I’ve gone through the 5th bag of Ludens Cherry Flavored Cough drops.
I don’t want anymore Vernors.
I’m sick of Chicken Soup for dinner.

And…..
I think I’m gonna make it!

And so my darling man another illness episode comes to an end.

You can relax, come out from hiding.
I feel better
and……….
she’s gone!