Funny how ten years can be such a big difference in age when we’re young and then mean nothing at all as we become older.

Dolly is my cousin, and that was genetic luck for me. 

But it goes way deeper than that because she’s also my friend.

She’s from a family of five girl cousins; Dolly, Sissy, Donna, Ginger and Linda.

Ginger was second from youngest, I was a year older than her.

I shared a huge part of my childhood with Ginger because our moms were not only sisters-in-law but also good friends and they spent a lot of time together.

We played “house” and “school” in the basement and back yard.

We rode our bikes free wherever we wanted to go, jumped on pogo sticks, walked on stilts, roller skated (shared our keys), jumped hop-scotch on the sidewalk, played jacks, jumped rope and went to all-day Saturday movies.

We went Halloween begging together and sat next to each other on blankets in the park at nighttime watching the fireworks in the sky every 4th of July.

That was Ginger and me.

…………………….

One of my childhood memories of Dolly was Catholic School; St Pat’s in Wyandotte….. a suburb down the river from Detroit.

She was in high school, I was in grade school.

I was one of those well-behaved little girls simply because I was terrified of the nuns.

Every now and then I’d be chosen to take a message through the grade school corrider that connected to the high school and into one of the classrooms. 

One time I remember in particular was when I got through the scary, dark corridor and into the high school and then to the room I needed to be in, WHEW!

I was standing stiff and scared waiting for the nuns reply and then…..there was Dolly!

My cousin!

She’d left her seat and came up the aisle to the nuns desk where I was standing and she scooched down and gave me a big hug.  

Made me feel like, HEY, I’M SOMEBODY, I’M HER COUSIN!

…………………….

Ginger and I spied on Dolly.

She had a boyfriend.

He was SO cute.

His name was Bas, he had blonde hair and he oftentimes wore a military uniform.

We only got little glimpses of them together when he came to take her on a date but it sent me off dreaming of my one-day and my prince charming.

The way they looked at each other, the way they whispered back and forth, the way they held hands as they left the house, off the porch, down the stairs and into the car. 

I don’t think they ever saw anyone but each other.

I don’t think their feet ever touched the ground.

…………………….

I still remember their wedding day.

It was May, 1955.

I was in 5th grade.

Dolly was beautiful and Bas, so handsome.

She followed Polish tradition and before the wedding, paraded down the neighborhood sidewalk behind a band then on to the church.

I decided right then and there…..I wasn’t doing that.

Nope!

After the ceremony, we all stood outside and threw rice and then the rest of the day was a celebration with lots of people, wonderful food, music and dancing.

Dolly was outgoing.

She was bubbly.

Bas was quiet and shy.

I watched them hand-in-hand make their way through the crowd of family, friends and neighbors stopping to talk and laugh with everyone there.

…………………….

Sometimes I’d hear my aunt and mom talking about them.

I remember the story of how they named their first baby.

They heard a song on the radio and they both fell in love with the title, Annelise.

And that’s how their first born, their one and only daughter got her name.

How awesome to be named after a song your parents heard and and fell love with.

Your name would be their sweet memory.

…………………….

Dolly had more babies, five sons but I lost track because at some point, my adult life began.

Years passed and we all became absorbed in our immediate families, our children and all the ups and downs of everyday life.

My mom kept me updated on what was going on with my aunts, uncles and cousins.

Some years later, Ginger began making trips to California to spend time with her San Francisco daughter. 

We had wonderful visits each time she came. 

We shared so many of the same memories.

She kept me updated on what was going on with her four sisters…..my cousins.

In 1996 Bas suffered a debilitatiing brain aneurysm. 

He lost the ability to care for himself or even speak.

Dolly quit her job, kept him home with her and cared for his every need.

That made her a saint in my eyes.

Sissy, next oldest, was the cool one. 

I remember the twinkle in her eyes and an eternal smile on her face with a Barbie Doll shape (way before Barbie Dolls) and she had Jerry, an amazingly good looking boyfriend.

They married and had kids.

Eventually painful Rheumatioid Arthritis stole her twinkle and ruled her life.

Donna, the middle-child had one true love in her life.

It wouldn’t be fair of me because I only heard bits and pieces but…..she was kept from him…..wasn’t allowed to be with him.  

I think it broke her.

She stayed unmarried her entire life and ended up in a Dementia facility with the same painful Rheumatoid Arthritis that Sissy suffered with.

Ginger was happy.  Life seemed to have turned out well for her.

She loved to travel and even more, she loved casinos.

I’m sure she inherited her gambling gene from her mom, my Aunt Ange who was a Bingo freak.
Ginger shared her slot machine secrets with me but, they never worked for me. 

And Linda, the youngest who’d married her kindergarden sweetheart and then nursed him through a fatal ilness and buried him, never remarried.

…………………….

An invitation arrived inviting us to Dolly & Bas’s 50-year wedding anniversary celebration, in Michigan.

My mother and I hadn’t spoken for ten years, YEP, TEN YEARS! 

It took me that long to work out my childhood anger with self-help books and years of therapy.

I felt emotionally strong and healed and I knew that I’d hurt my mom deeply for the silence of all those years and I was ready to apologize for that hurt and try to build something good with her. (but THAT’s another story!)

It was a perfect time to go “home,” reconnect with my mom and celebrate with my relatives.

The year was 2005 and my fear of flying hadn’t yet developed.

Going home always had its share of frustrations…..never enough time to see everyone we wanted to see, revisit the special spots from our memories and get my fill of White Castles.

But this visit was wonderful.

My mom was waiting for me with open arms and I truly felt and believed that we’d crossed a huge bridge together.

Dolly & Bas’s Anniversary celebration was held in a hall, just like their wedding.

There were so many faces from my childhood, and how fun to reconnect with cousins whom I hadn’t seen since the beginning years of my life.

Sadly, Bas was in a wheelchair and unable to speak but, ya know what?

He was as handsome as ever and Dolly looked beautiful.

And neither stopped smiling the entire time and still he held her hand.

Dolly even took him out on the dance floor and, they moved to the music.

…………………….

That was the beginning of my adult friendship with my cousin Dolly.

We began E-mailing back and forth.

I loved the way she thought, the things she said and what she placed in my mind to think about like…..maybe there really was a God and just maybe she was a woman?

She apologized to me once at the beginning of our friendship.

Admittig that for most of my life she didn’t like me.

She went on to explain that it wasn’t really ME but how much my mom bragged about me that made her not like me.

(That’s my mom and that’s the way she’s always been and THAT’S another story!)

We talked about it, crossed that road and became friends.

I found even after all the years that had passed, I still looked up to her, still asked her opinions and often turned to her for advice.

That awesome cousin whom I quietly watched when I was a little girl, had become my friend.

She loved books and reading, she posted great sayings on her Facebook page and she told me fascinating stories about my roots.

She helped me understand and even fill in the unknown facts about who I was.

I told her things that I felt others would laugh at me about, like…..I’ve always felt that I was a Gypsy…..a real Gypsy…..not a bad Gypsy…..a good one.

She believed me…..even gave me some real family background to support my feelings.

I confided my secrets to her and I knew she held tight to them.

……………….

Our Emails went back and forth for many years.

We discussed love, marriage, children, our hearts, religion and even politics.

I grabbed on to her every word, she opened my thinking and inserted the gift of possibilities.

She never belittled or negated anything I had to say but often just offered a different way to look at how I was seeing things.

I didn’t have an older sibling to guide me or share their wisdom but I had Dolly.

She told me I was wise…..even sent me a WISE angel.

She encouraged my writing with a WRITING angel inscribed with words from James Michener. 

*****

They both hover over my desk and remind me often to BELIEVE in myself.

…………………

Once she told me of her annual holiday tradition that she’d been doing alone for years.  

She said after Bas was safely tucked in bed, and it was dark inside and out with only the lights of the Christmas Tree, she would sit with a glass of Chevis Regal and think of the year gone by and toast whatever was coming in the year ahead.

I could visualize that because so many times in my earlier life, after everyone was sound asleep and the house was dark except for a roaring fire in the fireplace, I’d stand by the window and watch the huge snowflakes tumbling down under the street light and think.  

I’d think about where I’d been, and wonder, where was I going?

I didn’t have a glass of Chevis then, in truth I’d never even tasted it  but…..one evening last winter, I told this story to a special-to-me young man.

The next day, there was a bottle of Chevis Regal sitting on my counter where I’d see it.

I waited for an evening when the fire was roaring and my sweet man had fallen asleep in his recliner.

I poured the brownish-gold liquid over the waiting ice in my glass.

I looked out my window, no falling snow but a beautiful quiet scene of nature sleeping.

I thought of my cousin first, I even spoke to her.  

I knew she couldn’t hear me but maybe my vibrations would travel to her and she’d know.  

I thanked her for the gift of herself she’d shared with me.

And then I thanked my Universe for all the love I’d been given and wished SO HARD that the ugly world hatred would just go away.

Not knowing what to expect, I lifted the glass to my lips and took a small sip.

It was hot in my mouth and burned all the way down. 

It kinda took my breath away and I felt my face squish.

It tasted to me what I thought chewed up bandages with Iodine on them would taste like.

But I’m no quitter!

One night this holiday season, I’ll do it again.

I’ll look up at the beautiful star-filled sky, l’ll think about the year past and the one ahead, and I’ll raise my glass in honor and celebration of my cousin.

……………………

Bas died in 2013.

Dolly cared for him at home for 15 1/2 years. 

I remember looking at him with my nurse eyes at their 50th party.

No one could have given better care and it was all done with love.

…………………….

Every once in a while too much time goes by and I don’t see postings on Facebook from Dolly. 

Usually when I private message her she’s fine, just busy with something or the arthritis in her fingers hurts too much to type.

But sometimes, I have to turn to her sweet daughter/my cousin Lise to find out what’s goin’ on.

There’s been a couple hospital admits this past year.  

Short stays to kinda readjust medication.

No biggie.

Twice this past year, I saw photos of her that suprised me.

One with a walker and most recently with oxygen tubing and nasal cannula in her nose.

Biggie.

I didn’t bring up either photo.

Didn’t ask.

Didn’t want to know.

But, it bothered me.

…………………….

For longer than a year the thought was in my head that I wanted to send her a bouquet of flowers for absolutely no reason other than just because I cherished her.

I just hadn’t done it.

My Gypsy soul told me I shouldn’t wait any longer.

I was excited to suprise her and I did but, I was also in for a suprise.

Shortly after her flowers arrived, I received an E-mail from her.

The E-mail was brief but to the point.

“Dear Suz” she began.

She called me either SUZIKA or SUZ, both unique to only her.

“I have to say it fast so I don’t think about it too much.”

NO! I already didn’t want to read any further.

“I have Stage IV Small Cell Cancer.”

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO !!!!!!!!!

It took three more times of reading and re-reading the rest of her message to be able to concentrate enough to comprehend it.

“Can you tell me you can let me go with minimum anger and pain,” she wanted to know.

She was asking me to be OK with her departure.

My heart was ripping.

She went on to tell me how lonely she’d been since Bas had left and that she was anxious to see her mom, dad, sisters and friends.

She assured me that she was fine with her exit.

She knew I loved her and loved me back.

……………………..

Shortly thereafter, I sent her a card with my raw-heart-feelings.

I thanked her for the gift of being her but I didn’t say good-bye.

Her time is drawing near but she’s just going to that other side….. that side she and I have talked about and I know I’ll see her again.

Finally she’ll know the answer to that mystery we’ve discussed and wondered about often over the years.

Safe journey to you Dolly, my cousin, my mentor, my friend.  

You stayed behind while each of your four sisters left.

They’ll all be waiting for you.

When you hug them, give one from me and squish tight to Ginger, no need to tell her how much I miss her…..I’m sure she knows.

And my mom?  

Please tell her that I love her and I miss her horrible and to keep dropping those Pennies From Heaven so I know she’s still near.  

And, hey Cuz….. save me a spot, I’ll see you on the other side.

One more time, THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU.